<context> Written after a week of packing on ~20k frequent flier miles while still half asleep after a nap in Munich. I’m slightly perplexed by the hotel lattes which were better than the paid ones at the airport. Even more so that the Munich airport lounge stocks free Paulaner. Air France apparently does not have WiFi and turning on my phone after each “hop across the pond” is like watching the circus of my life unfold in some weird fast forward recap of events delivered in broken english via SMS. My state of mind is this… I am bewildered. </context>
We all have wonderfully memorable moments in life that are really nothing more than disappointing. Timing and context have a lot to do with it but I find it hard to believe we’re not all faced with one of those moments every so often.
I’ve had 3 this week. 3. Three.
That’s higher than average for me and I don’t get truly disappointed by most of things in life. I laugh about a lot. I shake off a lot more. There’s a lot more to appreciate than to be disappointed about.
Nonetheless, when scouring my brain for the right word to communicate to a friend all I could come up with was this one word:
Disappointed
This morning I found myself wondering rather aimlessly about what I missed and attempting to carefully consider how I was going to react.
It seems to me that after these disappointing moments there are a few options. This is assuming that you’re past the whole discussing the problem thing and now realized that you’re going to react. The question is not if, but how.
When young, our inclination is just to lay it out regardless of how abrasive it sounds. It’s so toxic and we don’t realize it only breeds more toxicity. Going ape shit is more of a social abomb than it is a solution to a problem.
Sometimes we want to give someone else the benefit of the doubt just because. That’s ok but tends to lead to more socially focused decisions rather than logical and rational reactions if it becomes a habit.
Since I’m not an aristocrat or a politician that doesn’t make much sense to me.
Sometimes, we want to walk away. But that’s a quitters game if it becomes a habit. That’s the short game and a good way to simply find yourself somewhere you don’t want to be.
So if you’ve had a week like mine that just had some disappointments here’s something I have found seems to work really well I’d like to share with you.
Look for the pattern and make a decision based that
It has required me to set myself up for some considerable surprises which have been good and bad.
In one related case. My reaction and response required an entire year.
When you get to the point where you accept a situation as predictably crappy because that’s all it will ever be it is much easier to see it for what it is, consistently and inevitably disappointing.
More importantly, it also makes it much easier to appreciate the good things and people in your life. It’s easier to recognize when you’re just reacting to an anomaly. Let the anomalies go. Embrace the trends.
What I’ve learned through this introspection is that my best decisions weren’t short sided. I made them based on a trend with a lot of feedback and when I decide to act I can normally be pretty swift about it.
bet on the inevitable
<context> It’s almost a month later that I’m finally getting around to posting this. This was a really weird week or two but the whole play the long game idea panned out pretty well. </context>
Playing the long game, in business and in personal relationships, is almost always the best strategy. I also believe that the biggest disappointments in life are often life lessons we ought to learn from and own – we cannot connect the dots looking forward; we can only connect them looking backwards.
Keep pushing. It is the only way to disrupt the status quo.
So it’s a little suspenseful because you described how you arrived at your decision and what your method of reacting was. But I’m curious to know – how did the confrontation go and afterwards did you still feel like you made the right decision?
None of this resulted in anything I would describe as a confrontation. I wouldn’t have posted it if everything didn’t all go (and end up) remarkably well. I’m really lucky that I have really good people around me in all aspects of my life. My life is just like everyone else’s though… Sometimes unexpected junk happens and I need to rationally deal with it even if it’s inconvenient at the time.
Yeah I like the saying “life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.” It reminds me that shit will happen and it’s all how you respond.